10 years older! :)

Wow so much has happened since I last blogged! I have had a crazy few months and want to hurry and blog so I have it written down somewhere. The main thing is that I had a cornea transplant on May 17! This journey all stated in January when my eye doctor sent me to see a specialist cuz he was seeing some changes in my cornea from last year. I was diagnosed with an eye disease called kerateconus in 2008 that causes my cornea to reshape and thin.  Well I had to wait until March to finally see Dr. Gardner and he took a quick look and said it was time to find me a new cornea. My cornea was almost flat and was really scarred. Then before we even had a chance to take it all in Dr. Gardner announces that he just  happens to have a spare cornea (someone couldn't have it because of an insurance issue) and that I could have it done the next day. They tried  to get it all set up for me but my insurance couldn't be processed in time. Not to mention I needed time to get ready for this! Both financially and emotionally!

So the wait began! We were told that it would probably be months before I got a cornea because of my young age. They match a cornea by age (within 12 years of each other) instead of tissue since the cornea doesn't really have any tissue to match up with. Let me just say that I am not a very patient person! I just wanted it done right then and there! So thank goodness I finally got the call on May 14! Just a short 2 month wait! I was so surprised when I saw the Idaho Eye Center pop up on my caller ID. I was half asleep on my break from work when I got the call. I was pretty happy that the wait was finally over but the timing was pretty rotten actually. My sister was having surgery in Arizona and leaving in 2 days. My parents needed to be with Mandy so my dad had plan B all ready for me. My aunt sherry and grandma avery were put in charge of team cornea while they took team pacemaker. :) My  mom had a really hard time with this because she wanted to be there with both of us. I still say we shouldn't have told her and just let her come home and find me wearing an eye patch! That way she wouldn't have had to worry.

Surgery was on Thursday May 17.  My aunt and grams got me there early and I got all checked in. We ended up having to wait an hour because my surgeon got stuck in clinic. That gave me plenty of time to get nervous, The nurses made fun of me because my heart rate was pretty high and then I got talking and it would slow back down. Then the anaesthesiologist walked in and it went really high again. The anaesthesiologist said that it should have lowered instead :). Finally the surgery was ready to begin. They gave me a local and gave me some injections to put my eye to sleep. I was only out a couple of minutes before they woke me back up. I had to be awake for the surgery! They need you to have complete control of your body so you don't flinch as they start cutting at your eye. They did make me really comfortable though! I don't remember anything until we got into the OR but I do remember them laughing at something I said while I was really loopy. I am kinda glad I don't remember what I was telling them! The craziest thing was that I could still see while they operated! I couldn't see everything. I could see the light and some shadows. It was a little weird. The surgery lasted an hour and then I was wheeled into recovery where they taped an eye patch on my eye. Everything went really well so I was sent on my way shortly after surgery. My aunt and grams got to watch the whole thing on a TV right outside the room. I have some pretty cool/gross pictures of the whole process. I am really grateful to the Idaho Eye Center. They took great care of me and are very good at what they do!  Also a big thank you to my aunt and grandma for taking care of me!

All my post op appointments have gone great so far! I did have a little scare a couple days after though. I thought I was rejecting the cornea because my eye lid was so swollen and my eye was really really red. Not to mention I wasn't seeing as well as I did the day after surgery. Dr Gardner says that I was just having a reaction to one of the injections from surgery. That is why my eye lid was so swollen. My vision was blurry because my cells have to take over the donor cells and that can cause blurriness. As for the red eye part, that is normal and my eye will be red for awhile now. So for now I have 3 eye drops I take 4 times a day. 1 is an anti rejection drop that is the most important one I have. Then I have some for hydrating the eye. I also have an ointment I put on at night and then I have to wear an eye patch at night and when I sleep. That way I don't rub it or hit my eye while I sleep. My eye doesn't hurt but it is really dry and itchy! I look like I have been in a bar fight though. People keep asking me "what did you do to your eye!" haha

I don't know much about the donor who I received the cornea from. But I am so very grateful for their gift! I do know they were 33 years old and that the cornea tested very good! I am looking forward to finding out more about this person and I want to send a letter to their family. One thing I struggled with throughout this process was knowing someone would have to die for me to receive the cornea transplant. I would also have to wait for someone young to die at that. I do take comfort knowing that if the situation were reversed I would absolutely want my organs and tissue donated.

 I want to become involved in advocating organ and tissue donation. There are so many misunderstandings when it comes to donation that I want to go out there and educate people about this! It is so so important and only a small portion that could donate are registered organ donors. So I do encourage everyone to visit http://donatelife.net/ and it will answer your questions and also provides a link to become a registered organ donor. This cause if very special to me because all 3 of us kids will be affected by organ donation.

I want my donors  family to know that I promise to always treasure this gift and I will do everything I can to keep this cornea healthy and to make the most out of it. This gift will not be wasted!

New Years Resolutions!

2012 is going to bring about a better me! I have had a lot of changes the past few months and it really made me think of what I want from 2012. So here are my new years resolutions (better have them written down somewhere so I don't forget!)...

        *Goal 1: Be a better member of the church: I have been inactive off and on for a year now. I never thought it would happen to me. I never thought I would let my pride get in my way of church. I regret slipping away over something so stupid. Now I'm in a new ward and looking forward to a new start. I have been going fairly frequently the past couple months. I just really want to get back to where I was spiritually 3 years ago. My new goal is to never miss a week of church! (unless I'm so sick I'm dieing). I wont ever let anything come between me and my faith ever again!

          *Goal 2: Read the Book of Mormon: This will help me on my way to becoming a better member of the church. I miss reading the scriptures. When I was going through one of the hardest times ever, the Scriptures were the only thing that brought me peace. My goal is to read them for at least 30 minutes everyday.

          *Goal 3: Exercise and Weight loss. They typical new years resolution right?  It's an oldie but a goodie.

           *Goal 4: Cook my meals and only eat out once a week or less. I hate hate hate cooking for 1 person. I get frustrated trying to figure out what to cook for one person and not have tons of leftovers. I also didn't have any pots and pans at my apartment.  So I end up eating out. It's getting a little expensive though. I also got super cute dishes and pots and pans for Christmas. Now I have no excuses. I will have to learn how to cook!

            *Goal 5: Be a nicer person. I am a pretty sarcastic person and sometimes I don't think people pick up on my sarcasm. I think that I have unintentionally offended the people around me because they don't realize that I am just trying to make a joke. So my goal is to still be sarcastic, but to be more sensitive to those around me. Along with this I want make more of an effort with those I don't necessarily get along with. I would like to reach out to these people more and try to get along with them.

            * Goal 6: Meet new people. My best friend moved away in August (miss you Anita!) and since then I have been lonely. Don't get my wrong I have some amazing people in my life. Mandy and Derrick are 2 of my best friends and I love them to death. But I would like to make more friends. Can't have too many of those right? I have a hard time putting myself in new situations. So my goal is to be more outgoing and hopefully make more friends.

These are my  main goals for 2012 . I have a lot of other hopes for 2012 as well. Like being better at my job and finding a nice man to be in a relationship with. Unfortunatly I don't have a lot of  control over that ;). Defintly something I will be on the look out for though!

Happy 2012 everyone!

Life is Good!!

So much has changed in my life recently. First off I left Flying J and am back at TLC again. It was such a tough decision! I liked Flying J and everyone I worked with, but I was always stressed out. Be nice to cashiers people! They have to put up with a lot and they have bad days just like you. :) I miss everyone at flying j though (to my flying j family, don't worry I will be in there to bug you a lot!)

I am so excited to be back at TLC! I am working with the one year old classroom. They are some of the cutest kids I know. I have totally fallen in love with them. They make me so tired! I wish I had half the energy that they do. I get to work with Sara and she is awesome to work with. Overall I am so happy with my job. I really really love kids! If anyone has ideas for activities, pass them my way please!

As with everything in life, there are the ups and the downs. I have really struggled with all the changes. I moved and changed jobs all at once. I moved into Bengal Creek with 5 girls I don't know. I love living at Bengal Creek. It is cheap and a fairly nice place to live. I have struggels with my roommates. They all are very nice to me, but it is hard moving in to a place where you don't know anybody. I just spend a lot of time in my room when I'm at home. I also miss my parents a lot. I miss seeing my dad everyday. I am a total daddys girl and miss talking to him and getting his advice. It was funny cuz he kept telling me that I, "would never find a boyfriend in McCammon" so apparently I better get on the dating scene haha. I miss seeing mom everyday to. She always takes such good care of us kids.


Then my best friend Anita moved away. She is living in Colorado and I miss her. I have never had a friend like Anita. She accepts me for who I am and understands me! We still keep in touch, but I miss hanging out and going on all of our crazy adventures. I need to make some more friends and I am not good at doing that. Thank goodness for Derrick and a great sister and brother in law. They keep me sane right now (not to mention Anita and Kim and our chats!)

And to top it off, I have been sick since October. I keep getting this weird stomach pain. It just hurts, feels like someone is stabbing me in the stomach and twisting the knife. Going to the doc on Thursday. Hoping we can figure out whats going on!

Even with all the ups and downs, I am really happy. I think that this was a really hard change but overall the best choice for me. I'm sure life will continue to throw these curve balls at me, but hopefully I can continue to do whats best.

The Kidney.

So for those of you that don't know my brother is in kidney failure and needs a transplant. For nearly 2 years I have been going through the process to donate my kidney to him. Going through this process has been a really long and difficult one. There are a lot of steps, tests, and doctor appointments to go through. And of course we had to repeat many of those tests before we could move onto the next step. I didn't mind cuz this is for my brother. I would do 1000 backflips if that was part of the process. Last summer we finally learned I was a match and a pretty good one to! We were a match in 5 out of the 8 things that they test for. Only problem was that he wasnt ready for the kidney. He was having health problems with cysts on his pancreas and had just had his gallbladder out. So we waited some more.

Finally around December they started talking about a date for the surgery. But wait, I had to meet with the surgeon first. No big deal, we made another trip to Murray and meet the surgeon. I really liked him and he went over my chart and said everything looked great. They would present my case the following week. Well then I get a call, I have to have one more doctors appointment and test done before they can present the case. So it was delayed another 2 weeks.

Again I get a call, but it is good news! We were presented to the board and approved. Transplant would happen on Feb. 15 a little over a month away. I was so so excited. My brother could finally be healthy again and wouldnt have to go to dialysis 3 times a week for hours.  I arranged everything with work and had everything in place to take a 4 week leave of absence.

During this time Aaron had been having pancreas attacks that landed him in the hospital a few times. He happened to have an attack 2 weeks before the transplant and thats when they called it off. I think I will always remember the emotion of that day. I was taking a nap because I had to work early that day and I woke up to a call from the transplant coordinator. He said that because of Aarons ongoing health problems we wouldnt be able to do the transplant on the 15th. That it would have to be put off 6 months to a year because Aaron would have to go 6 months without an attack. I was devestated. I could barley talk to the coordiantor at the end of the conversation. I immediatly called my dad and it took me a long time to calm down and tell him what was wrong. Dad came home to talk to me and helped me see the bright side. If we had gone through with the transplant Aaron would have most likely rejected the kidney. Something with the anti rejection meds and the pancreas attacks. And like dad said, I want this kidney to last Aaron. I want him to be a very old man before he has to worry about finding another one  or better yet, never have to worry again. So we took it one day at a time again and went back to our regular lives.

In May I recieved a letter from the trasplant hospital. It said that I was no longer a canadite as an organ donor and they would do their best to find Aaron another kidney through the transplant list. I was devestated. I read it right before I went to work and lost it driving there. I called my dad and told him and he just said that there had to be a mistake and not to freak out before we had the answers. So throughout the process they noted I had borderline bloodpressure. I get so nervous going to the doctors and my blood pressure is always slightly high. But they would take it at leat twice while I was there  and everytime it went down. So in the beggining  I was given a 24 hour blood pressure test and I was passed. There was never mention of it again. I was such a mess at work that night. I had to try so hard not to burst into tears at my til. After everything we had been through they couldn't even call and tell me? The doctor that is denying me hadn't even meet with me. When I went up to the hospital to meet with the team he said he didn't have to. All because the Kidney docs in Pocatello had already passed me. So I'm not sure what their problem is. One of my biggest struggles with this is knowing that I am a match and then being told I cant do it. I feel like I failed Aaron because Im not doing something right and have blood pressure issues. If they were going to deny me because of a test I had at the beggining I wish they would have denied me then. At least we wouldnt have had our hopes up for the past year.

I may sound all doom and gloom about this set back. But that is how Im trying to look at it, as a set back and not the final word. I am going to fight. There are so many inconsistancies in the letter that denied me. They said that they denied me clear back in January through a random file audit. They denied me because of the 24 hour blood pressure test.  Well if they denied me in january, why would they schedule surgery for Feb? They didn't cancel it until Feb and it was because of Aaron's health and not mine. Also why wouldn't they have told us sooner than 5 months later? Why did one doctor pass me with the same test results and another one deny me? Why has no other doctor addressed this issue through my many many visits? All they said was that an elevated blood pressure was normal at the doctors office. Especailly since the longer I was at the office the more my blood pressure went down.  There are so many questions that I NEED answered. Im tired of waiting and I am going to fight my way through this and get them anwered.

I can say I think of the transplant everyday. It is always on my mind no matter what I am doing.  This is something I want to do because I know it is the best thing for Aaron. A kindey from a family member lasts longer than a cadver kidney. I also have 2 kidneys and only need 1 to survive. Before I made this decsion I did a lot of research and found that there is nothing that I want from life that donating would affect. I can still have kids, still have the career I want, and still be healthy.  I really really hate when people tell me what a great person I am for doing this and how unselfish I am. Aaron is my brother, I love him and can say he is one of my heros. He has handeled his illness so well. He takes things a day at a time and he is so strong. He has been going through a lot with both his illness and other things. I wish I could be as strong as both of my siblings. Hopefully someday I can learn from their examples. Right now I just take it one day at a time and try and fight my way through the process again.

New Blog for a new girl

So I decided that I needed a new blog. My old blog was written by a completly different girl. I feel like I have changed a lot since I first started that blog in 2008.  And maybe I will be better at this blog than the last one.

 There isn't much new in my life right now. Still working at the J and for the most part enjoying it.  I work with some pretty awesome people. Still waitng on the whole kidney thing (which is a post in and of itself!). Im not going to school right now. I just really want to be sure about my major before I spend thousands of dollars. School is too expensive to be wishy washy about, especially after your generals are  pretty much out of the way. I am looking into the medical administration program. With everything my family has been through I like the idea of being able to work with a doctor and the patients as well. But im still looking into my options. Its a good thing im only 22 or else I would be a little more worried about where my life is going. Right now Im just going to have fun  and see where life takes me.