Goodbye 2012....Hello 2013!

Well 2012 we weren't the best of friends but I think we learned a lot from each other. I have been looking back at this past year and it was a little rough. I struggled with more physical and emotional pain than I have ever had to before. Even through the trials I can see how blessed I have been through them. There are so many days when I have  a constant prayer that says, "please just get me through ___...then I will be ok" and almost always those prayers were answered. I am far from being perfect with letting go and putting 100%  of my trust in the Lords hands, but this year has taught me more about that than ever before. I have this part of me that thinks that I am strong enough that I don't need help but Heaven knows that that isn't true! I have had to learn to lean on and seek out more help than I have ever needed in my life. So although I may not have enjoyed the trials of 2012 I am happy for the lessons I have gotten from them. Here are my top 10 favorite things about 2012 (in no particular order) ...

1. Getting my job back at TLC. Ok this was technically in Nov 2011 but I started to realize just how big of a blessing this is the past year. It is so nice working for a place that takes such good care of their employees. They have never even blinked an eye through all of my medical appointments and procedures.

 

2. My cornea transplant. This seemed like a trial in the beginning but the more my eyesight improves the bigger blessing it is for me. Thank Heavens for the donor and their family that made it possible. And so far everything has gone perfectly and is healing ahead of schedule.

 

3. The first batch of little German Shepherds. Keiko had her first liter 3 days after my cornea transplant. I woke up and Sherry had come over to help me feed the 3 dogs and there they were. She had 4 puppies, 3 boys and 1 girl. They boys were a mini Hoss and the little girl looked exactly like her momma. They were so much fun to play with and watch grow. It also looks like 2013 will see at least two more liters by the end of March. :)

 

4.    The benefit for my brother Aaron. To help offset the cost of his upcoming kidney transplant we held a benefit in Aaron's honor. It was so amazing to see the generosity of so many people. We received so many nice donations to be auctioned/raffled. So many businesses went far and above what we could have ever expected. Then the people that came to the benefit were also so generous. It was a pretty great success all the way around.

 

5. Anita's visits to Pocatello. Anita is my best friend who loves to travel. She hasn't lived in the same town as me for almost 2 years now. She was able to visit twice and we had a lot of fun while she was down. Very few people understand me like Anita does.

 

6. Working and attending church with Sara. I have been so blessed to have Sara as the lead teacher in the room I work in. I feel like we get along really well and she was so awesome through all of my medical stuff that past year. It affected her life a lot as well working with subs and switching me shifts so I can go to appointments and stuff. She has also helped me a lot with moving into a new ward. I get so nervous in social situations and having her there at church has made it more comfortable to be there. Looking forward to being roomies in August!

 

7. Seeing the revolving relationship with my parents. I have been an adult for awhile now but the past year I have seen more of an adult relationship than a parent/child relationship with them. My dad and I have had really good talks the past year that shows to me that he respects my opinion. This has also happened with my mom and I's conversations. What would I do without my parents? They are two of the main people that carried me through the past year. They have probably seen enough of my tears to last them a lifetime. They honestly don't get even a tenth of the credit they deserve. They are the strongest people I know and I hope someday I can have a marriage like theirs and the relationship with my children that they do.

 

8. Grandma and Grandpa Averys 60th anniversary! With weekends off now I can actually attend family functions. Helping grandma and grandpa celebrate was really fun. I got to see extended family that I haven't seen in a long time. I also got some really cute pictures with both grandparents.

 

9. Getting to work with all of the little Muppet babies at work. Kids are seriously the best! We had some really great kids in our class the past year. They have a way of turning any day into a good day. It seems like they know exactly when I need that extra little hug or cuddle time. I have been so blessed to be able to work with all of those little one year olds. I doubt I will ever leave this job.

 

10. My roommates. I have learned things from every one of them. I have been really blessed to have such good roommates. We have a lot of fun together. They have helped me come out of my shell a little more than usual. I look forward to see what new adventures we can get into.

 

 

I am so looking forward to what 2013 will bring me. I am determined to make this the best year yet! 



 



Who am I?

Who is Tara Nicole Avery?

I find myself asking this question all the time lately. I have gone through so much lately and I have changed   I am still trying to figure out who the new me is. I feel like I have changed for the better and that I have grown so much from my experiences. I guess my problem right now is finding where I belong. I feel like I don't fit in anywhere. I am trying but my shyness always gets in the way. I just can't seem to get out of my bubble and make more friends. I do pretty good if others branch out to me first. Thank goodness for good roommates who did reach out to me and have become really good friends. I don't know what I would do without these girls. I also don't know what I would do without my family. There are also the friends that I can always text and talk to. There are very few that I open all the way up to. So I am glad to have the 3 or 4 friends in my life even if they are at a distance from me.

 Most people don't really get to know the real Tara Avery. I have a barrier that not a lot of people can get through. I wish this weren't the case and that I could open up and be that social butterfly. I am going to keep pushing my comfort zone though. I have made pretty big steps (at least for me)lately. I am starting to attend things even if I have to go myself. I always feel awkward and leave asap but it is a step in the right direction right? So if anyone has any advice on how to branch out let me know!

 For now these are the things I do know, I am....

• A Daughter of God
• A proud  member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints
• Daughter of Russell and Teresia Avery
• Sister to Aaron and Mandy
• A Teacher
• "Entirely made of flaws, stitched together with good intentions!" 

This Crazy But Wonderful Life.

Sometimes life throws you for a loop! I have been hesitant to write this post for awhile now. Mainly because I don't want people to think less of me or judge me, but I feel like I will appreciate it later. Maybe I can look back on this post someday and learn so this doesn't happen again.

 The last few months have been pretty difficult for me. I won't go into too much detail because it is still too fresh in my mind. Let just say that I let all the stress and worry get to me. I kept everything inside until I just couldn't take it anymore. I had changed everything in my life in a short amount of time. I started to feel like I was pretty worthless and that I didn't do anything right. I also felt all alone with these feelings. My close friends had all moved away and while I had my family I still missed them. My family is pretty amazing and were always there for me when I needed them. My poor parents got to see all the breakdowns and a lot of tears. Thank goodness for my parent's sound advice and unconditional love. My sister was also always there for moral support. I was also able to turn to an  amazing bishop who helps me so much! The time and advice I received from Bishop Hayden really helped me heal! You can tell that he lives close to the spirit. He has a way of saying exactly what I need to hear and in a way that I need to hear it. I feel so blessed to be in the 5th ward! There are many people I haven't mentioned that helped me through this as well! I think some of them don't even know who they are. I  hope they know that I  appreciate all that they do for me. Even if it is just sitting next to me at church and listening to my problems.

Things are so much better now! I am able to recognize that my thoughts weren't true. Satan is pretty smart and I know he was able to prey on all my weaknesses. The mistake I made was to believe his words and to keep it all bottled in. I should have turned to my family and my bishop long before it got to the point that I couldn't handle it. While I was going through this I fell in love with quotes! I went on pinterest and have 2 boards dedicated to them. I recently printed 20 of my favorites and made a quote wall in my room. It is a nice reminder to look at my wall and read a quote that applies to my day.  I also moved into another apartment and have become friends with my roommates. I love my roommates! They have also helped me a lot and probably don't know they have. I am trying to come out of my shell and make new friends and go to ward activities. It is hard for me though. I have come a long way in dealing with my issues but some things have always been hard for me. I am trying though and one of these days it has to get easier right? In the meantime I am doing really well. I feel at peace and content. I feel like I am on the right course for my life and can't wait to see what Heavenly Father has in store for me. "Because when you stop and look around, this life is pretty amazing!"

So there it is. I hope most of you reading this understand just a little bit and see where I am coming from. I also hope that if your struggling like I was that you will learn a lesson from this and seek help from those around you.

10 years older! :)

Wow so much has happened since I last blogged! I have had a crazy few months and want to hurry and blog so I have it written down somewhere. The main thing is that I had a cornea transplant on May 17! This journey all stated in January when my eye doctor sent me to see a specialist cuz he was seeing some changes in my cornea from last year. I was diagnosed with an eye disease called kerateconus in 2008 that causes my cornea to reshape and thin.  Well I had to wait until March to finally see Dr. Gardner and he took a quick look and said it was time to find me a new cornea. My cornea was almost flat and was really scarred. Then before we even had a chance to take it all in Dr. Gardner announces that he just  happens to have a spare cornea (someone couldn't have it because of an insurance issue) and that I could have it done the next day. They tried  to get it all set up for me but my insurance couldn't be processed in time. Not to mention I needed time to get ready for this! Both financially and emotionally!

So the wait began! We were told that it would probably be months before I got a cornea because of my young age. They match a cornea by age (within 12 years of each other) instead of tissue since the cornea doesn't really have any tissue to match up with. Let me just say that I am not a very patient person! I just wanted it done right then and there! So thank goodness I finally got the call on May 14! Just a short 2 month wait! I was so surprised when I saw the Idaho Eye Center pop up on my caller ID. I was half asleep on my break from work when I got the call. I was pretty happy that the wait was finally over but the timing was pretty rotten actually. My sister was having surgery in Arizona and leaving in 2 days. My parents needed to be with Mandy so my dad had plan B all ready for me. My aunt sherry and grandma avery were put in charge of team cornea while they took team pacemaker. :) My  mom had a really hard time with this because she wanted to be there with both of us. I still say we shouldn't have told her and just let her come home and find me wearing an eye patch! That way she wouldn't have had to worry.

Surgery was on Thursday May 17.  My aunt and grams got me there early and I got all checked in. We ended up having to wait an hour because my surgeon got stuck in clinic. That gave me plenty of time to get nervous, The nurses made fun of me because my heart rate was pretty high and then I got talking and it would slow back down. Then the anaesthesiologist walked in and it went really high again. The anaesthesiologist said that it should have lowered instead :). Finally the surgery was ready to begin. They gave me a local and gave me some injections to put my eye to sleep. I was only out a couple of minutes before they woke me back up. I had to be awake for the surgery! They need you to have complete control of your body so you don't flinch as they start cutting at your eye. They did make me really comfortable though! I don't remember anything until we got into the OR but I do remember them laughing at something I said while I was really loopy. I am kinda glad I don't remember what I was telling them! The craziest thing was that I could still see while they operated! I couldn't see everything. I could see the light and some shadows. It was a little weird. The surgery lasted an hour and then I was wheeled into recovery where they taped an eye patch on my eye. Everything went really well so I was sent on my way shortly after surgery. My aunt and grams got to watch the whole thing on a TV right outside the room. I have some pretty cool/gross pictures of the whole process. I am really grateful to the Idaho Eye Center. They took great care of me and are very good at what they do!  Also a big thank you to my aunt and grandma for taking care of me!

All my post op appointments have gone great so far! I did have a little scare a couple days after though. I thought I was rejecting the cornea because my eye lid was so swollen and my eye was really really red. Not to mention I wasn't seeing as well as I did the day after surgery. Dr Gardner says that I was just having a reaction to one of the injections from surgery. That is why my eye lid was so swollen. My vision was blurry because my cells have to take over the donor cells and that can cause blurriness. As for the red eye part, that is normal and my eye will be red for awhile now. So for now I have 3 eye drops I take 4 times a day. 1 is an anti rejection drop that is the most important one I have. Then I have some for hydrating the eye. I also have an ointment I put on at night and then I have to wear an eye patch at night and when I sleep. That way I don't rub it or hit my eye while I sleep. My eye doesn't hurt but it is really dry and itchy! I look like I have been in a bar fight though. People keep asking me "what did you do to your eye!" haha

I don't know much about the donor who I received the cornea from. But I am so very grateful for their gift! I do know they were 33 years old and that the cornea tested very good! I am looking forward to finding out more about this person and I want to send a letter to their family. One thing I struggled with throughout this process was knowing someone would have to die for me to receive the cornea transplant. I would also have to wait for someone young to die at that. I do take comfort knowing that if the situation were reversed I would absolutely want my organs and tissue donated.

 I want to become involved in advocating organ and tissue donation. There are so many misunderstandings when it comes to donation that I want to go out there and educate people about this! It is so so important and only a small portion that could donate are registered organ donors. So I do encourage everyone to visit http://donatelife.net/ and it will answer your questions and also provides a link to become a registered organ donor. This cause if very special to me because all 3 of us kids will be affected by organ donation.

I want my donors  family to know that I promise to always treasure this gift and I will do everything I can to keep this cornea healthy and to make the most out of it. This gift will not be wasted!

New Years Resolutions!

2012 is going to bring about a better me! I have had a lot of changes the past few months and it really made me think of what I want from 2012. So here are my new years resolutions (better have them written down somewhere so I don't forget!)...

        *Goal 1: Be a better member of the church: I have been inactive off and on for a year now. I never thought it would happen to me. I never thought I would let my pride get in my way of church. I regret slipping away over something so stupid. Now I'm in a new ward and looking forward to a new start. I have been going fairly frequently the past couple months. I just really want to get back to where I was spiritually 3 years ago. My new goal is to never miss a week of church! (unless I'm so sick I'm dieing). I wont ever let anything come between me and my faith ever again!

          *Goal 2: Read the Book of Mormon: This will help me on my way to becoming a better member of the church. I miss reading the scriptures. When I was going through one of the hardest times ever, the Scriptures were the only thing that brought me peace. My goal is to read them for at least 30 minutes everyday.

          *Goal 3: Exercise and Weight loss. They typical new years resolution right?  It's an oldie but a goodie.

           *Goal 4: Cook my meals and only eat out once a week or less. I hate hate hate cooking for 1 person. I get frustrated trying to figure out what to cook for one person and not have tons of leftovers. I also didn't have any pots and pans at my apartment.  So I end up eating out. It's getting a little expensive though. I also got super cute dishes and pots and pans for Christmas. Now I have no excuses. I will have to learn how to cook!

            *Goal 5: Be a nicer person. I am a pretty sarcastic person and sometimes I don't think people pick up on my sarcasm. I think that I have unintentionally offended the people around me because they don't realize that I am just trying to make a joke. So my goal is to still be sarcastic, but to be more sensitive to those around me. Along with this I want make more of an effort with those I don't necessarily get along with. I would like to reach out to these people more and try to get along with them.

            * Goal 6: Meet new people. My best friend moved away in August (miss you Anita!) and since then I have been lonely. Don't get my wrong I have some amazing people in my life. Mandy and Derrick are 2 of my best friends and I love them to death. But I would like to make more friends. Can't have too many of those right? I have a hard time putting myself in new situations. So my goal is to be more outgoing and hopefully make more friends.

These are my  main goals for 2012 . I have a lot of other hopes for 2012 as well. Like being better at my job and finding a nice man to be in a relationship with. Unfortunatly I don't have a lot of  control over that ;). Defintly something I will be on the look out for though!

Happy 2012 everyone!