Happy 27th To Me!

So I just turned 27! It seems so weird to say that. Didn't I just turn 18? 21? shoot 25?. I feel like I have been celebrating my birthday for the past 4 days. One day I went and got my hair done, the next I toured alcatraz and went to dinner with friends, the third day I spend with Kenadie and watched the warriors game, and then tonight I had dinner with my nanny family. Overall it has been a great weekend and I felt loved by all the posts and phone calls to celebrate my birth.

I have a really good feeling about my 27th year! I have been thinking today about what I hope to achieve in this year. Mostly I want to work and build my relationships and to become a better me than ever before.

I want to build my relationship with myself. My parents have always told me that I am way too hard on myself, which I am beginning to see is true. I expect a lot of myself and want to be perfect. It just isn't going to happen. I am human! This year I want to try and focus on doing my best and accepting that perfection just isn't going to happen. I have also been dealing with depression and anxiety for a long time now. It isn't something I talk about often because it its kind of a taboo subject. But it is apart of who I am. This year I want to do a better job at combating my depression and anxiety the best that I can. I have been taking note of things that tend to help with it. Getting outside helps me a ton. I have loved just going on walks and clearing my head. Listening to music and just pushing the stress aside for the time. I find that sitting on my couch and watching netflix night after night makes things so much worse. So this year I want to limit my tv time and find new hobbies and new activities to do outdoors or just things to occupy my time besides tv or social media. Going back to school this year should help with that :). Yet I want to be sure I use my time wisely this year and schedule time for not only school and work but for myself as well. I think it is really important for me to make sure I have a little time in there for activities I enjoy so that I don't totally stress myself out and put too much on my plate at once.

One of the big things I want to do this year is build relationships with others. This past year in San Francisco I have realized I should have done a better job at making more friends here. I didn't take advantage of my singles ward like I should have. If I have one regret about my time in San Francisco it is this...Don't get me wrong the friends I have made here are so great and I love them dearly, but there are so many I think I would have loved to be friends with. Now my time is almost up and then I have to start all over again in Utah. Putting myself out there to make friends is really hard for me. Again my anxiety plays a major role in this. I am shy until I get to know someone and/or feel comfortable in the situation. I tend to sit by myself in a corner all the while hoping someone will come over to talk or sit with me. It doesn't happen as often as I would like and when it does I am so shy that I don't make to many friendships from it. So my goal for this year is to stop sitting alone and actually going and sitting by someone and starting a conversation. I also want to go to institute and ward activities, something I have never been good at doing before. These are also suggestions my dad has told me to do over and over again. Sorry dad that I haven't listened before but I am finally ready to now. This one is going to be so hard for me to do so it might take baby steps to complete, but I really want to do this. I want to make the most of my time in Logan and build the friendships like I left back in Idaho. I need to have confidence in myself and let others see who I really am.

Last but not lease,  I want to build my relationship with my Heavenly Father and the gospel. I have had a weird year where I doubted and I was also kind of angry about some of the trials I face, but I also had a year where I have felt my Heavenly Fathers love more than ever before. I KNOW He is there for me, guiding me, and most of all loving me. Sometimes it is hard for me to feel that because I get so prideful. I think I can do things on my own and I have things handled. I also sometimes feel like I deserve the pain I am feeling. But WHY? I don't have to be alone in any of this. The Savior is the only one who KNOWS exactly what I am feeling. He has paid the price for me and for all of us and if I don't use this gift it was all for not. The Savior and the Father love me no matter what I have done. This year I am going to try and put aside my pride and accept Their help. Why am I struggling to do things alone when I just have to turn for Heavenly help?

So these are the things I want for myself this year and I can't wait to see what it brings! There is bound to be struggles and obstacles in making these goals, but there is always going to be. If I keep making baby steps toward my goals I know I can make this the best year yet!